Interview with the True Blood-ed Lost Boy at Twilight (Hold the Garlic)

Just gonna put it out there: I love vampires. Vampire novels, vampire books, songs about vampires. Okay, I like vampire novels and books and there is one vampire song I know of that I like. "If I Was Your Vampire" from Marilyn Manson's Eat Me, Drink Me album is epic. Just sayin'.

Anyway, the thing that I love about vampire stories is that they are all different; so many different authors and filmmakers have different takes on these age-old tales. I personally get really annoyed when a story lives completely in the box and utilizes all the stereotypical vampire characteristics. My favorites are the ones that don't include:

• Garlic. An herb? Seriously? These creatures suck your blood to live and they can't handle a little garlic? Idiotic.
• Fear of holy symbols. Most vamp tales include some sort of God vs. The Devil internal debate, but it just seems small-minded for them to not be able to stand crucifixes or churches.
• Wooden stakes through the heart. Please. Get creative with how you have to kill these suckers. They're immortal. A simple wooden stake is just an insult.

These are just a couple of characteristics I'm not too fond of. I enjoy the nocturnal, pale, need to be ripped apart and burned to death type. Now, there are several contradictory characteristics that I find interesting. Some I'm strictly on one side, some I could go either way. Some are age-old staples of vampire lore, some are newly created. Lets take a look at a couple.

Retractable vs. Stationary Fangs

This is really just a simple distinction. I used to be a bigger fan of their teeth just being subtlety pointy, but True Blood really changed my mind. It is so awesome how their teeth just snap down! I am still a big fan of the subtle fang, I'm especially fond of Interview with the Vampire scene's when Louis and Claudia change. Below are videos demonstrating both True Blood's retractable teeth (to Lady Gaga) and Interview's stationary ones (from a fan video that includes Claudia's transformation into a vampire).

Nocturnal vs. No Sleep (aka: Twilight)

So just a short note on this one. In all vampire tales, they cannot go out in the sunlight or they will die. But not Twilight. Oh no. Twilight has their vampires never sleep. That would be okay I suppose. If Stephanie Meyer didn't make them sparkle in said sunlight. Yes, I said sparkle. What is scary or deadly about being sparkly? Good God.

Kiefer Sutherland in The Lost Boys

Beautiful vs. Deformed Face Upon Transformation

This is one that I take a powerful stance on. Vampires are supposed to be sexy and romantic and deadly seductive. While I am a fan of The Lost Boys, I hate it when vampires get all deformed when they "transform." This is not sexy:

Kiefer is sexy. This picture: not sexy. Fail.

Same goes for Angel. David Boreanaz has much too pretty a face to have get all nasty like that.

Need Invitation In vs. No Invitation

Now this is a rule that is overlooked by most vampire stories. 9 times out of 10, it doesn't really matter to me. But in stories such as Let The Right One In and True Blood, it really adds something special. In True Blood, it adds this whole new level of sexual angst when Sookie won't invite Bill or Erik in. And in Let The Right One In, as the title suggests, inviting a vampire in can be the last thing you ever do. Yes, that sounded ridiculously cheesy, but that old lady in the book bit the big one after inviting Eli in just because he/she is in a child's body.

These are but a few of the vampire controversies alive among vampire lore. Finding the right combination will buy you a classic vampire story that will stand the test of time. Here's my favorites and why.

Claudia, Louis, and Lestat in Interview with the Vampire

Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles

I absolutley love the world that Anne Rice has created for her vampires. If you've read the books you know that only Interview with the Vampire is through Louis' POV and that the following novels are through Lestat's POV. The books are fantastic. The history of how they came to be is fascinating and there is always a constant sense of romanticism infused with that history. I can't fully express in words how much I love these stories. For those of you only familiar with the film Interview, its pretty close to the book. I love the concept of a child vampire and how it is forbidden in their world. Also love the whole look and feel of the film. Makes me want to be a vampire.

HBO's True Blood

True Blood

This show is just such an ingenious concept: what would the world be like if vampires "came out" in society? The synthetic blood Tru Blood, makes it possible for them to interact with humans normally. This show is just epic thanks to Alan Ball and his vision. True Blood is nothing but pure sex. These vamps are so sexy, their blood is sold like drugs because it gets you high. This is the perfect modern day vampire story. Oh and Evan Rachel Wood rocks.

The Lost Boys

The Lost Boys

So I know I talked some smack about Kiefer in this movie earlier, but I can't deny my love for The Lost Boys. This cult classic is dripping with 80s amazingness - from the fashion to the motorcycles to the tunes. If I could go back to the 80s, I would hang out with these guys. I want to be Star. Yes, they do employ almost all of the annoying staples: aversion to holy water, stake through the heart, and bad breath (of all things), but you seriously cannot help but embrace the cheesy-ness. And can I please get a t-shirt with the tagline?

"Sleep all day. Party all night. Never grow old. Never die. It's fun to be a vampire."

Enough said.

There are plenty more vampire stories that I like bits and pieces of, but I'll leave my list at that. I have a love/hate relationship with Twilight, so I can't bear to include it in my "favorites" list. I will say, the things I do like about Twilight are all the different powers each vampire has, the "vegetarian vampire" concept, the Volturi, and Bella's whole pregnancy storyline (I find that insanely fascinating). Other than that, the movies pretty much slaughtered everything else about the story.

What is your favorite vampire movie or book and why? I seriously want to know.

Seriously.

Rock on.

Pretty In Pink is Pretty Stupid.

Okay, I just need to vent. I just watched Pretty In Pink for the first time in a while, and holy shit does that movie actually suck! It was never my favorite brat pack flick and I always thought it was bunk that Duckie didn't get the girl, but WOW does it actually suck. Not only does Andie ending up with Blane suck as an ending, but their "love" is totally unjustified and non-existent. The venting shall commence:

First off, the way they get together in the first place is absolutely ridiculous. Their first date is a total sham, proving nothing except that they have nothing in common. And oh no, this is not a case of we-come-from-different-social-standings-but-we-still-can-make-it-work, oh no. They literally have not a single thing in common. Blane brings her to a party with his friends because its what he likes to do and they are assholes to Andie and she doesn't have a single second of fun. Well then Andie takes Blane to a punk club because its what she likes to do, but aside from Duckie being an asshole too, Blane doesn't have any fun either. So what should they do about it? Make out apparently. We have nothing in common? Oh well, we have this weird attraction to each other so let's just make out. And this somehow means that Andie loves Blane afterwards...

Next, their version of "dating" is obsurd. Blane and Andie have their second "date" in a barn of Blane's country club where no one can see them. Not only is he hiding her away in embarrassment, but he keeps talking about how "this is going to happen" and "I want this to happen." Did he ever stop to think that it was happening? As in they were already supposedly "seeing" each other. That was just him trying to convince himself that he was going to go through with dating her/taking her to prom. What an asshole.

Oh and by the way--Andie is a total bitch who can't see what is right in front of her face. I root for Duckie all the way (especially since she originally ended up with him before they changed the ending) but I'm writing this blog solely to point out the ridiculousness of Andie and Blane. While Blane is hiding Andie away in a barn to make out behind closed doors, Duckie is sulking around just wishing he could have the chance to have Andie on his arm. Just think about how proud Duckie would have been to be with her. If Andie could have just gotten over herself, they could have been so fun together! Anyway, moving on...

Third, Blane is a spineless turd, to put it bluntly. In the very next scene, Andie is trying to call Blane and he ignores her phone call! What an insecure prick. Oh, and us as the audience are supposed to be all "poor Andie" but screw that noise! What did she expect??? What did we expect? The next day Andie confronts him (the only time she ever thinks straight in the entire film) and he totally lies to her face! And then he lets Steff talk shit about her! Not once in this entire film does Blane's character show any kind of heroism in sticking up for Andie.


Now Duckie on the other hand... all Steff had to do is talk 2 seconds of shit about Andie and Duckie was all over him! And might I say that that fight ended with Steff on his back covering his face while the teachers has to pull Duckie off of him. Take that you rich butthole.

And last but not least, we have the finale: prom. Okay, its great and empowering and all that jazz that Andie wants to go to prom to show everyone and show herself--blah, blah, blah but I totally lose all respect for her when she caves at Blane's lame little speech. "I believed in you. You just didn't believe in me." WHAT??!?!?!!?!? She took the time to give him a chance and he's the one who got all worried about his image. Big whoop that he went to prom alone and sat here being all broody! He should feel bad for being the turd that he is. But no, he gets to throw it all on Andie and then she goes running after him for it. Nevermind Duckie showing up and nevermind how happy Andie was to see him. Lets just act like that never happened.

All in all, if you ask me, Andie and Blane had the most pointless, uninspired romance I have ever witnessed on the silver screen. Not once did I feel legit fireworks for their chemistry. The only heart-strings of mine that were pulled were because of Duckie and his lip-syncing, genuinely sweet manner. I'm not one of those pro-Duckie whiners who only thinks Duckie should have won the girl because he was so devoted. No--I think that if anyone should have gotten the girl it should have been Duckie because Blane and Andie suck together. I can guarantee they probably screwed that night and then never spoke again. No wonder this movie ended Molly Ringwald's career. Well until that secret teen life show on ABC Family came along, that is.

Long live the Duck man.

What are your thoughts on the Duckie vs. Blane debate? Rock on peoples.

Its September, My Last Year Begins

I looked at the date on my phone today and it read 09/01/2011. Holy shit, its September already, was my first thought. I will be starting my last year of college in less than a week. I can't believe it. It feels so good, exciting, annoying, and scary all at the same time!

Good because everything I do this year will be the last time I have to do them. My last fall semester, my last spring semester. While these could be sad things, right now they just sound good. I've been in college for four years already because of transferring and this last year is long overdue.

Exciting because I have some pretty sweet things lined up for this year. I'm producing the annual Concert for a Cure that will be on October 13th. I've had so much so far just booking the bands, helping make the poster and just thinking about how fun it will be! I've been interviewing for some on-campus jobs so a new job for the school year is on the horizon. Keep your fingers crossed for me! Also, I have this awesome opportunity to manage some bands and get them booked at the New Moon Cafe here in Oshkosh. Just sent off the email to confirm the date I want so I'll keep ya updated on that. This whole concert thing just might be a career path for me...

Annoying because I basically have to stick around for a whole 'nother year for like 6 classes, but of course they can't be taken in one semester. On a very big level, I'm actually really sick of college and the way people are in college. This shouldn't be news to anyone here in Oshkosh, but I'm not really close with anybody save for Ben and a couple other people. I am so ready to start my life in a city far far away from here. Can't wait to start that chapter of my life.

Lastly, its scary because graduating means that I will officially be a "grown-up." I'll have to start paying back loans, having a full-time job and making big life decisions. Ben and I have a life to start together that scares the shit out of me, but makes me insanely excited all at the same time. I already worry about money constantly and thats not going to subside any time soon. There are a lot of looming worries on the horizon, but I am prepared to take them as they come. I guess I'm just scared of things not working out.

But more than anything, this year just makes me think about how happy I am. I'm happy with how much I've grown over the past four years, I'm happy with the person I've become. I managed to quit smoking, start living a healthier lifestyle, met the guy of my dreams (and flushed the bad ones I've had down the toilet), grown a backbone, which in turn has helped me cleanse my life of the negative people I let bring me down. I've gotten to do some amazing things like have an internship at a legit news station, crewed a Skillet concert, worked on tons of TV shows, won some awards for a feature radio piece, now producing some concerts on my own, and I've managed to fall in love with the man of my dreams...

So no matter how annoyed, excited, or scared I get, I can take comfort in knowing that I've followed my heart to an amazing man and amazing career opportunities. I can only hope that you all out there can know the hope and happiness I feel. So to all you college seniors out there this year--good luck in your future endeavors, and I feel for you. And to Ben: I pray this year comes and goes swiftly so we can start our new lives together. Love you and rock on.